The 2020 NFL Week 6 Roundup | Open House
Full Ask, NO Contingencies
What would you do if you breathlessly flung open the doors to your much-obsessed about, much-needed and much-delayed Open House and no one showed up? Immeasurably embarrassed and beyond disappointed, you’d probably smile — defeatedly — through gritted, toothy grin and make nice with the stagers, sales and marketing staff and trades on-hand while at the same time working tirelessly to disguise that rapidly developing flop sweat beneath a thin veneer of cheap drug store anti-perspirant and a whole swath of brittle optimism. All of the above could be found in wild abundance at recent virtual Ribbon Cutting ceremonies in Los and Angeles and Las Vegas where the NFL gave birth to twin white elephants (if at least temporarily) amidst a ticker tape parade of red ink. Under normal circumstances, the arrival of LA’s SoFi Stadium and Sin City’s Allegiant Stadium would be heralded with trumpeting angels, screaming eagles, and all the glitzy, noisy pomp and circumstance afforded by the NFL publicity machine. All at once, Covid silenced the brassy trumpets, defeathered those soaring eagles and unplugged the NFL’s fancy marketing machinery.
It simply wasn’t supposed to be this way. Both SoFi and Allegiant were envisioned in sunnier, frothier times and came into being the byproducts of Teams looking to escape creaky single-use stadium “relics”, limited in-market appeal and miles of long, shadowy economics. Shared home to the LA Chargers and LA Rams, SoFi Stadium officially arrived on September 9th on the heels of a hushed, masked press briefing sparsely attended by Rams owner Stan Kroenke, Chargers owner Dean Spanos, city officials, architects, and a smattering of news crews. The stadium glistened brilliantly on TV and online as reporters tripped over their tongues in describing SoFi’s opulent immenseness. Fun facts dispensed included the juicy item that engineers were forced to dig 100 feet below grade because both the FAA and the Department of Homeland Security objected to such a behemoth rising (along with the cranes needed to construct it) and living so close to planes overhead beneath LAX’s convergent flightpath. The FAA, in fact, also pushed back on initial designs of an at-grade structure fearful of nearby radar interference. So the only solution was to sink the entire structure 10 stories below ground, at significant disruption to SoFi’s original budget and timeline. But to the FAA’s and DHS’s zig, SoFi zagged. It might have taken 5 years, including a year’s delay due to flooding “in the bowl”, and come with a nearly $6B price tag attached to it, but SoFi sure is easy on the eyes, isn’t it? Set beneath a translucent LED-embedded fluorine-based plastic ETFE cable-stayed canopy that tautly stretches to nearly 1 million square feet, SoFi is unique in that it is not a sealed stadium allowing for unfettered creamy sea breezes to blanket (proverbial) fans and concert-goers with the familiarity of a West Coast smile. The stadium is ringed with 4 entertainment “canyons” each themed with one of a quartet of California’s biomes. Cheeky! But talk of SoFi wouldn’t be complete without mention of its signature showstopper The Oculus. At 120 oval-riffic yards and 2.2 million pounds this this dual-sided Samsung-branded leviathan of a video board boasts 56 5G antennas, 4K HDR resolution, 80 million pixels, 260 embedded Dolby Surround Sound speakers and its own on-site staff of 80 people just to produce and feed it content. Taken together, SoFi is clearly NEXT LEVEL and is as irresistible as Birthday cake; see for yourself please.
Meanwhile, 270 miles up Interstate 15, Allegiant Stadium came together on a much tighter timeline (3 years) and at a third the cost ($2.02B) of its pricier Golden State contemporary. Whether out of necessity (as the Raider had tersely declared their intention to leave Oakland in January 2017) or design, Allegiant is a much more compact venue that resembles in its near-finished state a sinister glassy Roomba vacuum. It kinda does, doesn’t it? Known colloquially as the Death Star, Allegiant too negotiated a gauntlet its very own on its path to Opening Day. ON its east-facing façade, plans called for an 80-foot-tall 28,000 square foot see-through LED video billboard broadcasting to the world the excitement that lay within. Well, the Nevada Department of Transportation, the FAA (the pesky FAA againnnn) and Southwest Airlines didn’t see anything so exciting about a building-sized TV blinding drivers on nearby I-15 and pilots navigating arrival and departure flightpaths at McCarran airport with what one petitioner said amounted to little more than a Bellagio Fountains LIGHT Show. Months of negotiations ensued and all parties agreed the building-sized TV could stay but at reduced nighttime vibrancy before turning off completely overnight. There was also the matter of the failure of the tensile cable dome lift that resulted in the need to replace 1700 fist-sized bolts midstream but who cares about setbacks in a city built upon the premise of the impossible. And so builders delivered to the would-be masses a grizzled, fiercely ominous, glass-enclosed stadium that looks at home ONLY in Las Vegas. On the stadiums North side live four 9-story, 4500 square foot pocketed sliding Lanai doors that when fully open reveal fresh desert breezes and unobstructed views of the debaucherously glittered Strip. But perhaps Allegiant’s engineering tour-de-force resides in the sliding turf tray that trundles in for Raiders game day and reverses to renew and refresh in the Vegas outdoor sun atop a 4 foot thick concrete pad greased with 540 electrically powered wheels. Total trip time, 65 glorious minutes. A shared facility with UNLV football, the Rebels preferred artificial turf with embedded crumb rubber can be found beneath the Raiders retractable 100-yard lawn. Oh yes, did I mention the world’s largest ever 3D-printed element in the functional Al Davis Memorial Torch proudly on offer at the stadium’s North entrance which towers overhead at nearly 100 feet in height? I needn’t have because local news crews glowingly gushed about all the bells and whistles here ahead of the Raiders’ home opener last month. Similar to SoFi, a Covid-sensitive and more Vegas-appropriate ribbon-cutting is planned later this month once the final bits and flourishes are adorned, affixed and construction crews have hung their hard hats and reflective safety vests once and for all.
Which brings us to my rhetorical question posed of you in the Opener. We have before us two shimmering engineering and architectural masterpieces honed with progressive oh-so-trendy design thinking, hammered with the latest in construction techniques, stuffed to the gills with all the over-the-top accoutrements fetched from the world over, scented alluringly with the unmitigated thrill of the collective human spirit and varnished with the patina of American ingenuity known uniquely to the world of professional football; and yet we can’t touch or set foot in or experience these facilities the way they were meant to be — In Person. In years past, SoFi and Allegiant would have been noisily introduced to the World with buzzy marketing blitzes, splashy on-site concerts, celebrity appearances, chatty meet-and-greets, hay and Carnival rides, smoky Southern barbecues, sponsored bars, t-shirt cannons, gauzy media hits AND, of course, that requisite time-honed Open House tradition where patrons had the run of the house. That proud day still remains in the hopefully not too distant future where we’ll be able to finally experience a becanyoned California biome churro-in-hand or even watch TV on the side of a giant Roomba with An overflowing bucket of buttered popcorn and an effervescent Coca-Cola loaded with crushed ice. In the meantime, Covid-imposed restrictions on large gatherings has Stan Kroenke, Dean Spanos of SoFi and the Las Vegas Stadium Authority of Allegiant nervously gripping their Balance Sheets. These edifices after all were erected with oodles of borrowed money and with oodles of borrowed money naturally come gobs of scheduled and non-negotiable interest payments never mind principal service . But as the thinking goes, all they’ll have to do is sweat out the next two years of little to no revenue coming in the door before the trusty money minting machine can finally rumble to life. In that time however, Stan, Dean and the Las Vegas Stadium Authority each outfitted with little more than that brittle optimism, tearfully confront the paradox of what unfolds when shimmering, shining houses on a hill are thrown to the masses and not even the crickets and tumbleweeds bother to show up. A flop sweat, a fragile smile and strained strategic hope. Just another day in the NFL.
Turning our attention to Week 6 in the NFL, we see that the Covid scare from last week looks to have been tamed for now? Time will tell; and it’ll also tell you that what the NFL Gods gift can also be taketh away. Look no further than Green Bay at Bucs where Tampa Bay completely slayed Aaron Rodgers and his Packers, 38–18. That super-productive, impossibly efficient, world-beating Aaron Rodgers of Weeks 1 through Week 5? Yah, he was nowhere to be found. Instead Green Bay fans found an imposter quarterback that resembled Aaron in appearance but backbit them in belabored performance, uncharacteristic INTs and pick-six included. He was done no favors by a screen door Offensive Line. Woof. Glory Be to Tom Brady and TB who finally look to be getting their sea legs under themselves brandishing that shining Defensive Line like the weapon that is it. And talk about a bounceback! Not only did Jimmy G rebound mightily from his benching last week to lead his 49ers to a 24–16 rousing victory over the downstate Rams, but he did so with a still injury-ridden Offensive bulwark. For the moment, that insidious chatter of “moving on” from the Jimmy G era ahs been clamped shut.
Across the country in Music City, the Titans continue to belt out in-tune arias as the Texans had their bells run, 36–42. Not for want of trying, at least on the HOU side of the ledger. A super-charged Deshaun Watson (28/37 335 yds 4TDs) mutually motivated his team to execute on the level of a squad that betrays its lousy 1–5 start. But they were thrown up against the unbeaten Titans and yet another in a powerhouse outing from Ryan Tannehill (30/41364 yds 4TDs) and a barnburner of a performance out of RB Derrick Henry (265 offensive yards). A Covid-disrupted schedule that saw TEN meter out two WINS in five days further burnishes their collective NFL street cred. That Deshaun keeps good company and keep pace is of little comfort seeing as though he and his team are mired in last place in the AFC South. Meanwhile, up at US Bank Stadium, the Falcons picked a fine prime time to shake their tail feathers, 40–23. ATL pinned the Vikings with the force of say the 2016 or 2017 Falcons. Impressive nevertheless was interim ATL Coach Raheem Morris’s debut where the Falcons jumped out to an early lead and held onto it for a nice changeup this Season. All THIS and a Matt Ryan rebirth were contrasted alongside and assisted greatly by Minnesota’s ugly Open House Defense. But hey, the Falcons delivered and are no longer winless and grasping for a participation prize. In the hunt for that same participation prize apparently are the Cowboys who without star QB Dak Prescott look rudderless. Upstart QB Kyler Murray and his Cards punched forcefully and frequently in their 38–10 triumph over America’s Team. The DAL QB Andy Dalton on view is pretty much the same Bengals QB Andy Dalton Cinci fans had become disappointingly accustomed to and thoughtfully rid themselves of last year. Andy has his work cut out for himself as he attempts to mesh and connect with his Offensive brethren and better still, CONNECT with WINS. But for the moment, the Cowboys clop atop the NFC Least.
In our customary Round Robin, the Jets continue to stink up the joint with another Loss this time at the dorsal fins of the suddenly promising Dolphins. Pitty NJY QB Joe Flacco and Coach Adam Gase who continue to demonstrate the epitome of sloppy, messy, undisciplined gameplay. MIA shutout the Jets, 24–0. Too, MIA QB Ryan Fitzpatrick threw off a decent outing and the debut of Draft Pick sensation Tua Tagovailoa holds the promise of brighter days a head for a team saddled with a middling 3–3 record. We’ll see what Tua has in the tank as he’s set to start this weekend. Next up, the Broncos galloped past the faltering Pats, 18–12. There’s a school of thought that PATS QB Cam Newton’s poor play is a direct descendant of the offensive morass surrounding him what with the thirsty need for REC and TE going unquenched. Whatever the case, the Captain Belichick ship is sinking at 2–3 on the Season. Down at Heinz Field, the Steelers summarily slammed CLE’s Cinderella dreams to the mat, 38–7. There’s no longer any talk of a Brownies renaissance what with the exclamation point Steel City foisted on Sunday. CLE QB Baker Mayfield was pulled in the 4th while the magic of the Browns Offense from weeks past looks to have sat the game out. In New Jersey, the Giants rattled out a slim-slim-slim 20–19 win over WAS thanks to QB Kyle Allen, final 2020 Draft Pick LB Tae Crowder’s fumble recovery for a 43 yard TD and Riverboat Ron’s fateful and ultimately unsuccessful bet on a 2-point conversion. The Giants rise to 1–5 on the Season, neatly matching the Washington Footballer’s forlorn record in the true battle fighting the pull of the current as they both enswirl the NFC Least drain. The Ravens similarly sauntered past the Eagles, 30–28, but not before a near come from behind 4th quarter push on the part of PHL. Lamar Jackson might have descended a pinch from 2019’s blistering heights, but he and his Ravens continue to deliver Ws like its 2019. The same cannot be said of the Eagles, who at 1–4, are sinking faster than twin fizzy antacid tablets in a glass of room temperature water after an ill-chosen grease-laden Chubby’s Philly Cheesesteak. NO Bueno that Philly rumbly in the tumbly.
