Tennis, Anyone?

Anyone paying attention to tennis megastar Novak Djokavic’s horrible, terrible, awful, hilarious week? Oh it’s fascinating. He landed triumphantly (and controversially, among tennis players anyhow) in Sydney ready to hoist yet another Grand Slam Australian Open title above his head only to have his ego bashed in by a wooden didgeridoo. The Austrian Open granted his vaccination exemption because he agreed to follow tournament Covid protocols including a two week pre-event isolation period. When he landed at the airport to begin said period, Australian Customs easily played the role of Bad Cop. Their chief contention: The Australian Open run the Open, Customs runs the Border. Australia has among the strictest vaccination requirements in the world for anyone traveling on a Visa; standards Novak was not even remotely in compliance with which resulted in his Visa’s immediate cancelation. Customs offered two options: return immediately to Serbia or stay and appeal. Novak opted to appeal and was sent with armed guards to detention at the Park Hotel in Melbourne where some asylum-seekers remain residents 9 years on. Upset with the less-than-5-star accommodations, Novak rented a $40,000/week nearby luxury house. Customs officials refused to allow this flagrant violation of the rules. Novak’s mother, on cue, took to Instagram to complain of her son’s harsh, inhuman treatment, the menacing bugs in his room and the bland food he struggles to keep down. And so, Novak is furious that he’s atrophying in real-time in squalor while he awaits a hearing on Monday. Ohhhhh, Novak! Give us a few moments while we get the tiny orchestra in tune. Game. Set. Match.