The 2019 NFL Season Roundup | The Envelope PLEASE
Fouuuuuuurrr!
Cue the Sad Trombone. The staid world of Golf about four weeks ago gave birth to a moment that Patrick “Captain America” Reed would just as soon forget. If only it were that simple. The firey-hot controversy in question took place at the invitation-only Tiger Woods Foundation’s Hero World Challenge where the reigning Kings of Golf face-off over a $3.5m purse. It’s typically a leisurely affair set against the warm and creamy, tropical Bahamian breezes that traipse about the sun-drenched championship links nestled within the Albany Golf Course in Nassau. ON this past December 7th, Hole 11 of the 3rd Round would prove particularly vexing to Patrick and exceedingly taxing to Tournament participants, onlookers and viewers at home. Hole 11 is the most challenging of Albany’s 18 but isn’t unusually tricky. It’s a Par 5 hole that stretches to an elastic 589 yards and which features a gentle dog’s-leg right bend about mid-way down the barren fairway. What Hole 11 offers in vanilla staidness it hides in its many sand traps and geographical hazards on either side of the pencil-thin fairway. Venture boldly off the fairway and you’ll experience Albany’s land-born Bermuda Triangle in a comical Caddyshack-lite hysterical charade and histrionics. This is where Patrick found himself on the that now infamous Saturday afternoon, his ball swallowed wholesale by one of the Course’s thirstiest sand traps. What happened next occurred on live TV, in eyeshot of the gallery and now lives forever on Twitter. As is custom with any sand hole escape strategy, a few practice swings are not only recommended but in order, the better to align yourself with the hole, lubricate those sticky wickets and to calm your erratic nerves. The trick is to NOT disturb the ball or its immediate sandy surroundings — its so-called lie. Every golfer knows it: amateur, pro, Put-Put, Topgolf, you name it. So it was with breathless shock that Patrick took a practice swing and in doing so shaved a quarter inch of sand due south off the ball’s lie making for a cleaner shot at escape. Patrick wasn’t done. He brazenly took ANOTHER practice swing and shaved yet another quarter inch of sand from the mound that lay irritatingly between him and his ball. Not a word was said, not a self-inflicted stroke deduction was noted by either he or his caddy. Instead, Patrick powered through, took his shot and the ball landed on the green. The ball came in a little hot, though, as it steamed off the far side of the rutted green and settled unhappily in the rough. Much as this whole affair. But the damage was done. See for yourself here.
Tongues immediately began wagging as to the flagrant transgression — for the Golf world, anyhow — that had just unfolded for the world to see in the plain of day. What was worse? Patrick’s obliviousness and arrogance that no transgression had been committed. After vociferous complaints, Tournament officials were called in and video footage was reviewed, parsed and scrutinized. A swift verdict was rendered and Patrick was assessed an on-the-spot 2 stroke penalty; a penalty that would ultimately prove crucial in his Tournament LOSS — 2 strokes behind Swedish first place finisher Henrik Stenson. Henrik cashed in a $1M check, Patrick took home $750k less, a meager for him $250,000. Who knew 6 tablespoons of sugary sand could cost ¾ of a million dollars. Its toll on Patrick’s already tremulous reputation, on the other hand, incalculable. Post-tourney interviews with Patrick would surrendered to viewers a non-repentant, some would say repugnant, air of pompousness. As the Patrick Reed world tell it, no harm was done as he “brushed off” a trivial amount of sand — twice — in a valiant attempt at practicing without threat of grazing the ball itself. Moreover, his angle of view wasn’t what TV cameras showed he argued and that it was all about intent (whatever THAT means). Again, all this in Patrick’s telling, the Golf world and your own eyes be damned. As Patrick dug in his heels, furloughed his brow and stiffly crossed in arms against his chest, the Greek chorus lit up like a Christmas Tree and rendered its own one-word verdict: Cheater. It’s this stubborn imperious stain on his reputation that will be remembered for some time; an unforgivable stigma in a sport world-renown for decorum and a strict adherence to honest truth, however humbling. Not that Patrick entered the Hero World Challenge with a lily-white reputation. Allegations of cheating clouded in a decade’s worth of ugly entitled behavior both on and off the course have dogged the 29 year old 2018 Masters champion all the way back to the days of his dismissal from the University of Georgia golf team. And in an anecdotal sign of the person behind the steely logoed polo, Patrick’s parents famously cautioned him back in 2012 against marrying his then-caddy Justine (who were both 22 at the time) at such a youthful age. He hasn’t spoken to his parents since. Neither were his parents invited to his and Justine’s wedding no are they allowed access to their grandchildren. To this day! Ice cold. Anyhow, this whole spectacle paints for sports fans a picture of a confident, complicated, deceitful, villainous, talented sports professional shouting at the wind, his putter angrily outstretched and poking at self-inflicted frustration. A larger-than-life Diva ensconced in a Gentleman’s sport where the math doesn’t quite pencil-out. Maybe “Captain America” isn’t the superhero we all imagined him to be. Sigh.
Turning now to the 2019 NFL regular Season we found that, as opposed to Captain America, the math does indeed pencil-out. Despite whatever the pundit-class might protest with their squawky soundbites and white papers, the right Teams are in the right place and precisely THE right time. This past weekend’s round of Wild Card action is proof-positive of this very notion. For a second there, it looked like the odds-makers 0.5% chance of a Buffalo Super Bowl appearance looked woefully underestimated at least until BUF’s disastrous collapse in the second half to the Texans. Credit is due to Deshaun Watson and crew who battled-back with a 16 point comeback WIN. The Texans are through to see Patrick Mahomes on Sunday where Chiefs sit lying in wait, hungry. The other Wild Card game is the one that sent the sports universe into a delirious tailspin where the Titans did what the Rams couldn’t in last year’s Super Bowl: they extinguished the Pats and in succinct fashion, 20–13. The victim and perpetrator of a nasty back-season offensive slide, New England makes an uncharacteristically premature exit from the playoffs and sends their GOAT Tom Brady into free agency. When we all look back on this, we might remember the 2019 Season as the one where the Dynasty broke. So the Pats are OUT and the Titans (and unsung hero Ryan Tannehill) are through to see the Lamar Jackson Fun House and Big Top on Saturday. Over in the NFC, similar fireworks illuminated Minnesota’s shocking OT victory over Drew Brees and his Saints, 26–20. Who knew Kirk Cousins had it in him? Certainly NOLA didn’t. And just as with the Pats, the Saints make an early exit that underscores Drew Brees’ continued difficulties in reeling out the crucial Ws and the limited time and patience he’s to be afforded moving forward into next Season. Not moving forward, NOLA. The Vikings meet Jimmy G. and his Cinderella 49ers on Saturday. And finally, the Eagles went belly-up to the Seahawks, 17–9. An early casualty of the game was star QB Carson Wentz who suffered a grievous head injury, yet another in a parade setbacks to an injury-prone PHL squad. SEA’s Russell Wilson-DK Metcalf duo powered the WIN and propels them to Green Bay where they are set to square-up with the Packers on Sunday afternoon. So there you have it. As the sun begins to set on the 100th NFL Season, the table is set for untold excitement on the road to Miami in early February. But really, are we seeing a Ravens-49ers Super Bowl? Maybe. Maybe not.
