The 2020 NFL Week 12 Roundup | 221 Seconds

Finding Alenka

Just off the sun-soaked coast of Egypt a stone’s throw from the tip of the politically fractious Sinai Peninsula at the confluence of the Red Sea and the Gulf of Suez, you’ll find the Shark Reef. This underwater Natural Wonder is renowned chiefly for its immense beastly physicality: A sheer coral wall that descends vertically 2600 feet to the sea floor, one of twin peaks of a colossal coral sea mount. The submerged flora and fauna of Shark Reef include a dozen types of sharks, eight species of sea Dolphins, four varietals of sea turtle, 300 species of living coral, more than 1000 species of fish and the endangered Dugong (a lovable Manatee-like sea mammal). Supplementing this submerged wonderland, A few weeks ago a free-dive competition was held nearby — the first in a Covid-mangled 2020 — and 39 year old Slovenian extreme athlete Alenka Artnik emerged from the yawning depths of the Red Sea dripping wet with pride and freshly embroidered with a Deep Diving World Record that saw her power down 114 meters (374 feet) and back all within 3 minutes and 41 seconds with but ONE gasp of air. Sightseeing tourista fans leadenly beset with diving cylinders, regulators, helmets, buoyancy compensators, “twin sets”, rebreathers and Nitrox couldn’t help but wipe the disbelieving fog from their goggles at this incredible fete. Especially considering that all Alenka needed to mark a new world BEST was a decade’s worth of tireless preparation, 2 months of hyper-competition training, an unparalleled opportunity, the unshakable focus of a quiet fury and the resolve of Amphitrite.

The flavor of competitive Free Diving Alenka specializes in is so-named “Constant Weight” because a diver is outfitted with a four pound weight and dolphin-kicks down and back via the expert deployment of a carbon monofin. Other than a 1.5mm-thick low buoyancy marine wetsuit, nose clamps, a dive watch, and nerves of steel, that’s all that’s needed to go and find Nemo. In the case of Alenka’s appearance at the AIDA Blue Week Competition on November 7th, a 10 mm optic white nylon line was strung 114 (again, 374 mind-numbing feet) meters beneath the tranquil turquoise surface waters outfitted at its terminus with a 44 pound iron weight and shingled with shiny free-floating tags, one of which needed to be returned to the surface to seal a diver’s standing in the rankings. Easy enough, right? Sure, if the sport wasn’t such a fatal one. Nicholas Mevoli, the last American to puncture the 100 meter record lost his life to Pulmonary Edema during a lethal second attempt at a world record in 2013 at Dean’s Blue Hole in the Bahamas not so long ago. Dean’s Blue Hole is notable as one of the deepest blue holes in the world that features an underwater 66 foot limestone chimney leading to a vast hourglass-shaped cavern that plunges for ANOTHER 600 feet (total 202 meters) to the cavity floor. Water visibility is an astounding 115 feet. Nicholas’ fateful free dive attempt without a breathing apparatus nor fins of any kind, ran into visible trouble at 68m/223 feet, where he momentarily hesitated and seemed to turn back before reversing yet again and punching further down to his goal/record depth of 72m/236 feet. NIck then rocketed to the surface where he deteriorated rapidly, mentally unable to answer basic questions. Thinly conscious and with blood now gushing from his mouth Nick quickly slipped into God’s good graces. And in another harrowing instance two years later in 2015, Natalia Molchanova, then world renown as the greatest free driver in history, embarked upon a fateful recreational free dive off the craggy coastline of Ibiza. She effortlessly slipped beneath the shiny deep waters of the Balaeric Sea and never resurfaced. In an area Known for its hazardous swift currents, it’s thought that Natalia lost consciousness and was quickly swept out to sea. Her body was never recovered. While this sport is eye-appealing, sinuous and graceful it also carries with it at all times ominous undertows of devastating lethality.

So against this sobering backdrop buffered and ultimately overpowered by the confident, respectful, polished stamina of the naval athlete she had evolved into , Alenka on competition day suited up in her favorite purple wet suit. She tightly affixed her nose clamps and glanced at her Omega Seamaster dive watch. Next, Alenka lowered herself into the 79 degree waters of the Red Sea and bobbled at the surface as she was handed her four pound neck weight. Enlisting standard protocol among free divers, Alenka began “breathing up”, a technique (inhale for a few seconds, exhale for twice as long and deep) used to help pre-condition the body for strenuous activity on precious breath. Breathing Up is also instrumental in lowering pre-competition resting heart rate and freeing the mind of any outside influence. In two words: California Zen. Breath in, Breath Out. Release. And so at ONE with her moment, Alenka affixed her neck weight, inhaled a final deep dish breath and dipped beneath the placid surface. She gave underwater judges and safety divers the customary thumbs DOWN signal that her attempt was now officially underway. And with that, Alenka jetted into the crystalline-blue waters beneath muscled by brawny kicks of her 28-inch wide monofin, tethered to the weighted guiding line with a loose-fitting metal clip. It’s said that as you descend through the sunlit euphtic zone (the top 200 meters of ocean or sea waters), you are treated to a fantastic out-of-this-world visual kaleidoscope of ever-changing colors from aqua to yellow to green to ever darker gradations of blue the deeper you plummet. Alenka witnessed all of them. The deeper she slipped, the faster she went. At 20 meters down (about 60 feet), Alenka’s lungs became compressed to the size of mangoes, such was the pressure of the water surrounding her. Breathing technique is a matter of life an death here because if any air escapes at this stage or deeper, Pulmonary Edema can result (see Nicholas Mevoli). And that’s when the hard part begins. Further down the depth charts at 70 meters (210 feet) the pressure on Alenka’s body has further compressed her lungs to the size of pears, blood has stopped flowing to her outer extremities and is now nourishing just her core, home to her vital organs. But her heartbeat has slowed by half and Alenka skillfully adapts to her new Waterworld in what scientist refer to as mammalian diving reflex. At this depth, Alenka is sinking like a stone in deafening silence, her eyes closed, momentum gathering as she surrenderingly enmeshes with the tightening embrace of the sea that has swallowed her.

The two minute mark approaches and Alenka’s watch alerts her to an approaching 110 meter depth with a vibration against her wrist. Her eyes open to the inky azure abyss, Alenka can see the weight at the end of the guide line and the gleaming tags loosely leafed atop it. Gliding in like a torpedo fish, Alenka grasps her tag at 114 meters (374 feet) and doesn’t even think for a second about what’s she’s accomplished. There’s no time for that and not any breath to waste on it. All she cares about is the 38 floor column of sea water overhead. Her ascent began much her descent ended: at ONE with the Red Sea. Aleta closes her eyes, escapes into her being, rhythmically and powerfully dolphin-kicks her monofin ever higher. Sidebar: Propelling a more than 2-foot wide monofin takes incredible muscular strength even in a pool, made much more punishing in the open Sea with just ONE gasp of air. And ascending a 114 meter depth is like swimming against a firehose but the further you get the easier and more buoyant you become. Absent is the need for staged ascension because not employed are traditional breathing apparatuses that if used without proper timing techniques can fatally cause air bubbles to form in the bloodstream and tissues. The more pressing concern of deep free divers is hypoxia, or lack of oxygen, with any dive extending beyond 3 minutes. And that’s why safety divers were deployed every 30 meters with water scooters to help ferry Alenka to safety at the first signs of trouble. Alenka never got that ride on underwater scooter. Alenka’s graceful, nearly two minute ascent, heavy punctuated with reacclimating breathing techniques was completed eyes wide shut in a complete surrender to the state of California Zen. That familiar reverse kaleidoscope light show bounced off Alenka’s eye lids alerting her to the coming surface. Her dive watch rattled with enthusiasm and purpose as she slowly opened her eyes to see the meter depth count on the watch face tick ever lower. The surrounding waters where turquoise again and then she pierced the calm surface waters to rapturous applause and euphia. Alenka took yet more deep and reacclimating reoxygenating breaths, uncinched her nose clip, and verbally exclaimed to the judge: I’m OK! In exchange, the judge handed Alenka a White Card, a symbol in the sport of free diving for a WORLD RECORD. 114 meters in 3 minutes 41 seconds. It’s a world record that is not likely to be replicated or broken soon. Or maybe not? When asked to comment on her extraordinary feat, Alenka mischievously and with a glint in her eye calmly remarked “Yah, I can probably go deeper still.”

Not bad for an athlete who just 9 years prior had yet to set foot in any ocean tide zone anywhere. A manager at a sleepy skate shop in Slovenia, Alenka found herself floundering and powerless to the drowning pull of alcohol. Alenka identified her calling and relit her North Star when she joined friends on a lark partaking in a local free diving class complete with requisite underwater laps. It was then in 2011 that Alenka’s purpose was fully revealed and an underwater superstar was born. The rest, as they say in the movies, is (World Record) history. Alenka’s serene resolve and unrelenting determination are qualities we can all admire and learn from in some meaningful way. Well, 221 meaningful ways to be precise.

As we turn now to an expand-a-pants Week 12, the Season home stretch is now in full swing. The creaks and groans are grousing from all corners as butcher’s twine, duct tape and Elmer’s glue strain to keep the NFL enterprise intact and moving down the ever-steepening tracks to the Post-Season. There were some close calls (which we’ll touch upon in a bit) but as we stand now, the Goodell Locomotive chugs forth, if wheezing and in desperate need of a respirator. A game from this past weekend that spectators needed respirators just to catch their breath was the blowout affair of KC’s tight victory over Tompa Bay, 27–24. The Clash of the QB Titans was on full display and it did not disappoint. Tom Brady, perhaps as a result of some competitive performance anxiety, stepped up his Game considerably (as compared to lethargic recent weeks) and threw for more than 340 yards and 3 TDs. Tom’s performance though was blemished by 2 crucial and increasingly frequent INTs. On the other side of the coin was a blockbuster outing from KC’s Patrick Mahomes where the prodigy was busy adding to his MVP evidentiary application stack (37/49 462 yards 3TDs, 3497 yardage this Season alone). Paired with equally combustible WR Tyreek Hill (13/15 269 yards 3 TDs) and it’s clear the Chiefs have designs on yet another Super Bowl appearance in 2021. At 10–1, they’ve earned it. The Buccs, at 7–5, are a little more struggalicious and are a pinch too topsy-turvy to be considered reliably credible. But hey, you never know. Down at SoFi, continuing in topsy turvy ways their very own, The Rams found a way to squander an essential game this time to San Francisco. LAR QB Jard Goff, excellent just last week against Tampa Bay, was just OFF (19/31 198 yards 0 TDs), a theme consistent with the entire Offense. The 49ers for their part executed admirably considering the sad injured state of affairs afflicting the entire squad Season long. QB Nick Mullens had a decent outing and fueled the triumphant returns of CB Richard Sherman, CB Raheem Mostert and REC Deebo Samuel in particular. But it was SF’s formidable Secondary that had the Rams continually on their heels. In a busy NFC West, LAR can ill-afford losing such on-paper gimmes. At 5–6, the 49ers are serving as the ultimate Divisional disruptor.

Over in Denver, revealed was a fateful and lazy unmasked QB meeting that had the potential to seed COVID throughout the Broncos organization. Little is known on timing other than Jeff Driskel testing positive for Covid shortly after attending a casual meetup with Drew Lock and Brett Rypien. That result knocked out in quick succession the starting QB, 2nd string QB and 3rd string QB. Whoopsies. The fact that they were outed to have NOT been wearing masks shows their brazen dismissal of common sense and only adds to DEN indignity. Little surprise then that cries to delay their scheduled matchup with NOLA were left unsympathetically to fall on deaf ears. And so the DEN show went on, with Kendall Hinton (REC from the practice squad) playing main QB. Things slipped south quickly from there (1/9 13 yards 2 INTs) earning a rare 0.6 (100+ is good) QB rating through no fault of his own. Sometimes it’s just to do with a comedy of errors. Most stinging of all to the Broncos, it was all so PREVENTABLE. NOLA, where the interesting Taysom Hill tryout continues if ever so unconvincingly, naturally obliterated the beans out of DEN, 31–3. But the Saints, at 9–2, can bask in the Fleur-de-lys glory of the 8 game winning streak they’ve managed to string together. Over in ATL, it’s clearly that time of the Season when the Raiders predictably collapse in on themselves. You know in Peanuts where Lucy continually yanks the football just as Charlie Brown attempts a kick? And every time Lucy says, nope, this time she’ll leave the ball in-place further emboldening Charlie Brown to reattempt the kick. He falls for it, Lucy snatches the football AGAIN and Charlie Brown feels the fool. That’s what’s going on with the Raiders. Every year is THEIR year. And just past the Season mid-point lo and behold they’re cobbled together a Winning record with promises of post-season grandeur in fans starry eyes. And then December happens and those gauzy dreams are firmly wrenched away. Well just like clockwork, Las Vegas marched into Mercedes-Benz stadium and practically handed their shirts to the Falcons, 6–43. QB Derek Carr committed 4 turnovers, one of which resulted in a pick-6. Such was the tenor of the Offensive squad; they were straigh blasted. Their Defense was equally stinky, The result was an embarrassment. And this at the dull talons of the Falcons, 4–7, further illustrates the rule that in Vegas the HOUSE always wins. This renders the Raiders metaphorically homeless if more appropriately aimless. Oh Lucy, you did it again!

And finally in our reliable Round Robin, Ryan Tannehill and the Titans have regained their footing (and #1 perch atop the AFC South) with a convincing 45–26 thrashing of the Covid-handicapped Colts. Extra credit is awarded to TEN RB Derrick Henry who again went off in an explosive showing (27 CAR, 2 REC, 185 total yards). Washington blasted past the wobbly Cowboys, 41–16, in yet another W for crowd-favorite Alex Smith. The Giants took on the Joe Burrow-less Bengals and eeked out a WIN, 19–17. But NYG QB Daniel Jones looks to have closed the book on his Season with a hamstring injury. At 4–7, he’s now catching up to his Team’s long cemented plight. Carolina at Vikings witnessed the first ever occurrence of a Defensive player retuning two fumbles to score 2 TDs from two consecutive snaps. Thank YOU CAR LB/Safety Jeremy Chinn. But such serendipity was an outlier in a game that found Kirk Cousins again powerfully pulled his Vikings into port, 28–27. Meanwhile, the Brownies outstripped the newly GM-less Jags, 27–25, and have quietly salted away an nicely WINNING record at 8–3. LAC QB wunderkind (and sporting a fresh controversial haircut) Justin Herbert again threw for more than 300 yards but his Chargers still managed to lose to the Bills, 17–27. In LA it’s clear that the cables and cords aren’t quite connected properly nor are the levers fully moving in their designed paths of travel. The buttons are being mashed on the switchboard and all that’s returning are clown horn-honks, much to coach Anthony Lynn’s chagrin. And lastly, what would a Round Robin be without checking in on the AFC gift that keeps on giving (laughter): the Jets. Oh yes, of course they lost again, 3–20, this time to the Fins. And in such high style. NYJ QB Sam Darnold is BACK from injury, but with a return engagement like this, is he REALLY? Oh the Jets. You gotta love them, so hilarious they are. They are so bad that CBS is toying with queueing their future games with laugh tracks and sad trombones. LOLOL. Ohhh Those rascally Jets, can’t take them anywhere! I tell ya…