The 2024 NFL Week 14 Roundup | Air Force None
2700 Point Lane in suburban Chicago is not your typical listing. Though it’s freely available for escapist Zillow-surfing (MLS# 009814087) to anyone so inclined, in Realtor circles, the home is well known — some would say cursed — as a dead property with an unrelenting and unrealistic owner resistant to negotiations, concessions or reality. As a result, the mansion has withered the past 12 years, clearly a victim of the real estate malediction trifecta: overpriced, in need of repairs and in an undesirable location. The “home” went under contract, at long last, in September and to much relief to the home’s real estate agent (who stands to pocket a menthol-cool $816K commission). The original 2012 ask? $29 million. The final 2024 negotiated price? A $14.85 million. The home’s unhurried, nonchalant and casually unconcerned soon-to-be-former-owner? GOAT Micheal Jordan. His home’s very unusual, absorbing and lengthy journey in changing hands is as compelling as it is head-turning. A peek behind the curtain of sports celebrity real estate herein ensues and provides a portrait of stakeholders just like you and me, but abstractly totally NOT, and one operating on a scale beyond sheer pedestrian comprehension. Mirroring his on and off-court business prowess, Micheal Jordan demanded a pricing premium. But unlike those for his athletic wares, would-be takers for his literal trophy house were more discerning and dismissive of a home all found wanting. Does an air brick in real estate sting as much as it does in basketball? Certainly, if not, more. Welcome to a very special episode of House Hunters GONE WILD.
On the surface, there’s a lot to like and lust over. Built on land Micheal purchased in 1991, the ultra-luxurious, if dated, compound is situated peacefully and privately atop 7.39 acres of serene, foliage-forward suburban wilderness. Envisioned as a hybrid forever-home and urban retreat, the compound was custom commissioned with architects and planners taking nearly two years to translate Micheal’s imagination onto blueprint paper. The construction team broke ground in 1993 and labored extensively for yet another two years at fabricating his dream from steel and stucco. Upon the final punch list meeting and delivery in 1995, Micheal had sunk a staggering $50M ($103.5M in 2024 dollars!) into his Highland Park manse. And oh but what the money bought. Featuring nine sumptuous bedrooms, 15 full bathrooms (and an additional 4 half-baths), five masonry fireplaces, a detached three-bedroom guesthouse and three separate climate-controlled garages with space for 14 oversized vehicles, the estate is not for everyone. Nor should it be. Naturally, a bespoke, indoor basketball complex was added in 2001 and chief among its selling points are a specialty cushioned hardwood court (featuring the iconic Air Jordan logo at-center), adjustable backstops and baskets, competition-caliber high-intensity lighting and a sound system specially-tuned to offer pitch-perfect acoustics within the space. And really what better way to complement the on-site locker room and adjacent Mahogany-lined trophy vault. A cigar room with humidor and velveteen-lined poker tables, a putting green outfitted with premium polyethylene grass, a regulation fully-lit acrylic-encased tennis court and an infinity pool with its own mini-island complete a showstopper of a home where money can — and DID — buy everything.
While the headline features, fixtures and furnishings of Micheal’s now three-decade old palatial estate can leave you breathless, buyers throughout the intervening years who peeked behind the curtain found much to hold their noses at. Chief among the property’s challenges is its extreme customization. The number 23 (in a nod to his iconic number), four feet tall and forged of stainless steel, enshrouds the gate that fronts the property. While buyers pencil in how much it would cost to “depersonalize” the gate, they are left with the constant ringing of the cash register when reflecting on what to do with a built-in aquarium and heavy doors from the original Playboy mansion in Chicago. Which is to say nothing of that humidor, those hulking poker tables in that dark, dank windowless room and that full-size acoustically-mapped basketball court with the big ol’ Air Jordan logo front and center. Style is another one of home’s the many detractors. Though it was renovated in 2009, contemporary aesthetics of light, open and airy have found no home in Highland Park where dark, closed-off and 1990’s hotel vibes resonate, and not in a good $29M way. Buyers come in, look around and all they see is a gut job; to take everything down to the studs. A mega-million fixer-upper where you gotta spend money to spend even more money…oh good. Location is perhaps the biggest non-starter. When planning for his urban retreat, Micheal didn’t want the notoriety and public-facing extreme exposure that a typical Lake Michigan-fronting property would bring. And so he opted for secluded Highland Park, two miles west and well inland of the of the traditional homesteads of the Chicago rich and famous. The house’s condition further diminishes the listing’s appeal. Micheal moved out of the home in 2007 (shortly after divorcing wife Juanita) and since the 2009 renovation it has fallen into disrepair. Ominous leaks, mysterious stains and an unattended flood reaching to near half-court in the basketball pavilion as just a few of the shock images revealed when a TikTok so-called urban explorer broke into the property just this past August. OH and one final thing. Any buyer who toured the house was required to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement. Taken by itself, perhaps not a deal-breaker and understandable considering the home’s provenance. But added to all the ornate customization, suffocating design ethos, inferior location (with not an ounce of lake water in sight) and the home’s abject condition, there’s little to blame buyers from looking askance at a $29M white elephant.
Which leads us to Michael’s biggest obstacle in flipping the dead property: price. In March 2012, the home listed for $29 million and sat arms-folded as would-be buyers toured and scoffed at the arrogance of the asking price. A dramatic 28% drop to $21million took place 10 months later before languishing another 10 months which forced another 24% decrease to $16 million. There must have been something in the air and water in 2015 because the price catapulted back up to $24.7M. Precisely two days and zero interested parties later (if the flies on the wall of THAT conversation could talk), the price whipsawed back down to $16M. And then, incredibly, just four months later another 7% was looped off the ask where it finanled in at $14.855M. It stood there, without takers, until 2021 when Micheal chose to remove the home from the MLS, though it remained an unadvertised pocket listing. A reason for Micheal’s patience is, well, obviously he doesn’t really NEED the money a sale would generate. With a net worth of $3.5B, a despondent listing in Highland Park won’t even come close to breaking the bank. Another explanation lies in his OTHER homes. Micheal counts a fleet of homes in such locales as Jupiter, Park City, Cornelius (NC) and a recently-sold 40th floor penthouse along Lake Shore Drive in downtown Chicago among places where he can snuggle comfortably at night with his family. But perhaps the biggest impetus for Michael’s saintly tolerance and restraint lies in simple mathematics and three letters: ROI. A home at a $50M 1995 cost selling for $29M kinda pencils out if you squint your eyes real hard and hold your breath at the same time. Pull that price tag down to reasonable inland neighborhood comps and apply a 2000s anti-vibes discount to land in the mid-teens and you’re accountant is easily drowning in red ink. And so a stalemate with Michael’s balance sheet ensued and a de facto standoff developed between Micheal and prospective buyers over the course of the past decade.
Both the stalemate and standoff are over…potentially. On September 17th, an undisclosed buyer logged a contingent offer for the Highland Park estate at $14.85M. And Lord knows that contingencies said buyer is placing on the transaction. Famously, the sale includes as part of closing a pair of EVERY Air Jordan in the buyer’s size. A nice perk to ornament the key to the front door. But whatever the case, Micheal might finally be rid of the property that shepherd his stratospheric trajectory to superstardom. And one that harbors warm memories of a simpler time cocooned in youth, family and sepia-toned memories at that. It’s understandable the emotional attachment Micheal might have with Highland Park and the raw math certainly didn’t help its candidacy as a quick flip. It’s clearly a multi-dimensional, contextual complex calculation he wrestled with. One where in the end he was forced to listen to the voice we are all beholden to: the Market. You certainly can’t win them all and with Highland Park, Micheal will likely actualize exorbitant loss when taken in isolation. But at least he’s rid of a property that once high-flying had developed into an albatross festooned with mushroom growth. So in the end, maybe Micheal’s real estate air brick kinda turned into a slam dunk in a weird, contorted way. It did if you squint your eyes real tight and hold your breath. Sports GOATS, they’re just like you and me.
As we flip the page to the NFL at Week 14, the playoff picture is resolving into clear focus as the familiar teams are punching the clock and delivering the post-season afterlife all aspire to. Others punch the wall and reflect on where their seasons diverged from the playbook. IN Pittsburg, Coach Mike Tomlin has simply done it again. He continues to mint unlikely gourmet feasts out of leftovers, canned goods and unripe produce. QB Russell Wilson, after a pre-season calf injury, has slid in nicely since Week 6 to blend in seamlessly with the team’s exiting receiving core while PIT’s DEF continues casting shadows even after turning out opponent’s lights. They’re ahead of the Ravens to top the AFC West and are certain to host (final) meals in their kitchen well into January. Out west at SoFi, season’s highest scoring gem of a game took place as the hard-charging Bills arrived high on the stamina that a 7-game winning streak provides. LA’s Matt Stafford, Puka Nacua and Cooper Cupp were seen each taking turns piercing BUF’s bubble of invincibility. A 44–42 Rams victory unpacked across a wild game that drew an all-star outing from BUF QB Josh Allen who became the first player ever to record three passing TDs and three rushing TD in the same game. All such accolades in the end weren’t enough to overcome a suddenly-healthy Rams team that hasn’t looked this sharp and dangerous in years. The Bills nurture a superficial wound while Los Angeles fans exhale.
Sunday night, LA’s co-tenants in the Chargers flew out to KC with a mission to tack on another L to the Chief’s scorecard. Instead, they fell for the trap that ensnares all who came before this season with the same goal. Like clockwork, the Chiefs keep with game pincer tight with a dominant secondary first, second and/or third act then hand off the finale to QB Patrick Mahomes who by this point is expert at closing given just minutes. And that’s just what he did; yet another WIN can be recorded for the Chiefs. There are squabbles that KC’s offense isn’t as explosive and dynamic as years past. But that’s the magic, it doesn’t have to be. The Chiefs have made methodical efficiency their business and have thrown off winning seasons as the main staple byproduct. It’s not fancy and pyrotechnic but it certainly works. Much to the chagrin of everyone else. Up in US Bank Stadium in Minnesota, QB Sam Darnold is on his fourth team in five years. He signed a value menu $10M/one year day with the Vikings and in return he’s making miracles happen and pumping out Ws. He and his squad lapped the opposing Falcons, 42–21, to make for their sixth W in succession. Sam put up blockbuster numbers (22/28, 347yds 5TDs) in game that showcased the hazards of sleeping on the OTHER NFC North contender not named Detroit. Kirk Cousins, who was on-center for MIN as recently as last year, spirals alongside his Falcons who at 6–7 look long at their reflection.
In our Round Robin, the Lions scared away the Packers 34–31, the Jets and Giants lost again as the Bucs with QB Baker Mayfield are making quite the run of it with their latest lopsided win coming against the miserable Raiders. The Eagles won but didn’t look quite right in a game that was much closer than the final 22–16 score portrays. Seattle continues to cruise atop the NFC West as ARI and QB Kyler Murray’s mid-season implosion proceeds on-cue, mirroring the past several years. SF kinds looked good against the Bears (though horribly hobbled with injuries) and last night America’s Team couldn’t quite manage a Cyber Monday holdover special, one week removed. QB Joe Burrow and his visiting Bengals snuck away with the doorbuster deal and cemented DAL’s busted, horrible, ugly, no-good Season.
